Kwar Ke Kwojkwoj Ioon E Bok in Mormon Eo?

Did you feast on the Book of Mormon? That's my text I send to all of the Marshallese youth at night.
So this week we had 21 lessons taught to investigators with members present, and that's with only six days of working, as we had zone conference this past week. That also includes 4 people invited to baptism and 3 new dates set, but only one of those new ones went through as the other two didn't make it to church. This next weekend we will have three baptisms: Branton and Dino, two awesome Marshallese youth, and Mary, who had the triplets. The first two will be on Saturday and Mary will be on Sunday, as she will be visiting up from Iowa City. Zone Conference down in Iowa City was great. It really was a spiritual conference and helped me learn a lot about how I can improve myself. I especially enjoyed a video of a talk Elder Russell M. Nelson had given at the MTC about PMG and how it was devised primarily because of the number of missionaries who would go home and go less active. I really like its goal to convert us so that we can convert others. Besides that, this week has simply just been a whirlwind of teaching, and much like the people in the Book of Mormon, I've lost my strength due to the spirituality of it all. Two of our dates have wanted to move their dates back to give themselves more time, which is ok. Our days are lessons from 1-5, dinner from members and a lesson to them, then more lessons after that, followed by going home, planning, and then writing in the area book for all of the people we taught that day and then going to bed. Each of those daily appointments consist of more than one person usually. We also have started up a new things of teaching in the Marshallese sunday school. Some Marshallese members have a hard time with the Word of Wisdom and gambling, and so when we asked the Sunday School teacher to teach a lesson on those topics, he asked us to do it as they would respect it more coming from us. So this Sunday was the first of a three-part series. I felt impressed to stand before them and give a speech on how much we love and respect them and how possible having a Marshallese branch is, but only if they make a few necessary changes. We then shared with them the Gospel of Jesus Christ (Faith, Repentance, Baptism, Gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end). Mike and Ronnie, the Marshallese Priests who go out with us to most of our lessons, helped translate. Well, I have got to get going in order to start teaching lessons on time. We don't have P-Day's anymore. Tomorrow I am going on my going home temple trip! I love Nauvoo!
Ij yokwe yuk!

Elder Gates

22 Months & First Time Baptizing by Fire: No Flames Needed

This last week was all abuzz with us trying to get the baptisms all ready to go and the apartment ready to go as well I'll start with the baptisms so that way you have something worthwhile to read first and then if you don't feel like being depressed you can just stop there.
So, as I said, we spent the week getting Mary and Justina ready for their baptisms, and their baptisms ready for them. Justina didn't take much work to prepare her for it, as she is golden and had had all of the lessons taught to her already. She even has been reading the Book of Mormon in Marshallese and English side by side and can now read Marshallese and has improved her English tremendously. Really, if she could get any more phenomenal, she'd explode. Mary still had some lessons to be taught, so we were finishing getting her ready. Friday, the day before the baptism, however, we found out that Mary had gone into labor and given birth to three beautiful girls. They were fairly quickly taken off to Iowa City to be taken care of there, as they were fairly premature and had some trouble breathing. So Mary was not baptized on Saturday, as she was in the hospital. Fairly legitimate reason to not be baptized. She and her fiance are in Iowa City as well as of right now. She'll be baptized when the babies are out of the hospital and that's over with, so probably later in July. Justina was married and baptized on Saturday, however, and it was an incredible service. The marriage was just a small ceremony in the bishop's office that was very sweet, and then so many people showed up to the baptism that it had to be held in the chapel. The Spirit was so strong. It also ended up being a wonderful missionary opportunity. Earlier in the week, we set two more baptismal dates with two young men, Branton and Dino, two Marshallese youth. Branton came to the baptismal service, informing us that his parents were cool with him being baptized and that he was excited for it. Dino, however, did not come to the baptism, but his nonmember parents did. We asked them if they were ok with us baptizing their son, and his father offered some qualms with the situation as Dino had been baptized as a child in their church. After Elder Unsicker briefly explained authority, however, Dino's father responded to a second time of asking for permission by saying that it "would be a great opportunity for Dino." Both Dino and Branton are on track for baptism on July 2nd now. Also, we taught two more Marshallese people for the first time yesterday and set two more baptismal dates with them for July 2nd. Six baptismal dates altogether. Sunday also was the day Justina received the Gift of the Holy Ghost and I was privileged to be the one to give that to to her. It really was a great experience.
Alright. The apartment.
Well, we finally met up with the gas guy after another attempt at getting him there on Friday. So, after a week of sleeping at the Holts' house, we were finally home. The nice cave-like coolness also leads to not-so-nice cave-like dampness. I've never had my sheets get dryer as I slept in them. The next morning we also were blessed to be present as police showed up to visit our new neighbors upstairs. While this was a fairly pleasant neighborhood we'd moved into, the neighbors upstairs who moved in only a couple days before aren't too fond of it being pleasant. So, in order to mix things up a bit, they decided to steal the grill from across the street. The man across the street apparently enjoys pleasantness and wasn't too keen on his grill being stolen. So he went looking for his grill just to find it on the back porch of the people above us. Well, he got the police involved, who searched upstairs looking for the grill, and finally found it hidden in a closet in the vacant apartment on the third floor. This, along with the fact that they have no clue how to handle their children accept by screaming obscenities at them and their children retaliate by running in circles for hours on end has not made a great impression on us. Saturday also led to us discovering that the hot water wouldn't shut off in the shower so we had water constantly dribbling out of the faucet, which couldn't be fixed till this morning, so we either showered with cold water or under a little dribble of warm water, and it all didn't help with that moisture problem. All in all, if it wasn't for the Marshallese, I'd be begging to be transferred. I know missionaries will hate me forever for choosing this apartment. It used to be a good idea. Anybody have a dehumidifier?
Congrats to Tyler for being home taller, fatter and older!
--

Love,
Elder Gates
"Complete conversion comes after many trials and much testing." Bible Dictionary

Farewell Talk

Here's my farewell talk.


Good Morning everybody, my name is Charlie Gates but in a week and half I will be known by most people as Elder Gates. Thank you all that came today who do not usually come here to see me speak. I hope to make it worth your gas money.

I was asked to base my talk off of one given by Sister Barbara Thompson in the last session of general conference titled His Arm is Sufficient. There are a few points that I will use as the bases for what I will speak about.

The first main point of her talk was that the Lord is always there to help us. I, personally, have recognized this throughout my life, but more especially within the last few years. The more that I turn to God for support the more I realize just how crucial his influence is in my life. And the knowledge that I have gained that he loves us all individually is so very reassuring when things get tough. And I know that you can all gain this same knowledge as well.

Rumor has it that missions are not necessarily easy. Gossip has also reached my ears that with the Midwest being a very religious area, it may be even more difficult to show people all that our church has to offer when they are so set in their own religions. While these both bring me some excitement at the challenge and the chance to learn the gospel more fully, I would be lying to say it doesn’t bring with it some trepidation. How in the world is a nineteen-year-old kid who is still learning supposed to show somebody who knows their religion inside and out and has lived it for twice my lifetime? Well, it’s simple: The Lord will provide a way. He will support me and fill my mouth with what I need to say, as is said in the scriptures, “Open thy mouth, and it shall be filled.” I am reminded of Moses, who informed the Lord in Exodus 4:10 at the time of his calling, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” The Lord responded in the next two verses: “Who hath made man’s mouth?... Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.” I also think of how Joseph Smith, a simple farmer from upstate New York who had very little education, went on to become the prophet of the restoration and lead the saints. I think of Amulek, and other Book of Mormon prophets, who, despite their weaknesses, were able to go forth and preach with power unto converting whole cities and nations. I think of the missionaries now, the thousands of Elders and Sisters who have helped to bring even more unto their God. If these sons and daughters of God can be supported in their preaching and led in how best to do the Lord’s work, which is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man,” then I know that even I will be shown what to do, as will all of you who do what the Lord has asked of us. For, as the Lord has said in Ether 12:27, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Now, as I’ve related this first point of Sister Thompson’s talk so far to my mission, she related it to how God will support us in three points that were the focus of a talk by Julie B. Beck titled “Fulfilling the Purpose of Relief Society.” These points were increase in faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and serve the Lord and His children and seek out and care for the poor and the needy.

So increase in faith and personal righteousness. It’s hard not for me to relate this to my mission. A friend of mine who has asked me various questions concerning our faith and, while he doesn’t believe it, greatly respects us, recently expressed his longing to serve an LDS mission—you know, if it wasn’t for the whole Mormon part—simply for how life changing it would be. And he’s right, this will be a life changing experience; I’ll be able to increase my faith, righteousness, and knowledge of the gospel through serving others. There’s a story that I’m sure many of you know from its frequent repetition in Sunday School classes and talks of when President Hinckley was on his mission and his father told him to forget himself and go to work to defeat his sense of melancholy. This lesson, while usually used towards missionaries, is applicable in the sense of increasing faith and righteousness. Now, I’m not giving you the same counsel as Jesus did to his apostles of not minding their personal wellbeing and relying wholly on the Lord to provide, but I do mean that the more that I have put my desires second to those of the Lord, the happier I have been. I don’t mean to claim perfection in this area, just recognition of its benefits. In her talk, Sister Thompson outlined a few basic principles to increase our righteousness that, while simple and somewhat obvious, many of us fail to always accomplish. It’s been said by someone “All I needed to know I learned in primary,” and it’s true. Primary answers to the question of “How do I increase my faith and personal righteousness?” answer it beautifully: Pray very frequently, read your scriptures daily, go to church, go to the temple. The more you do what you can to feel the Holy Spirit, the more your spirituality will grow.

Strengthening homes and families is, to me, perhaps a slightly ironic topic for me to speak on, for not only am I a teenager who will not be at home for two years and will rarely be home afterwards, but also one who will for the next two years be unable to pursue starting my own family. But I know that our families will be blessed and strengthened the more the gospel is allowed to permeate them. I always found it interesting that one of the questions to obtain a temple recommend asks us about whether any conduct towards our family members is not in accordance with the teachings of the gospel. That shows just how important strengthening our families is. I look forward to seeing families strengthened and blessed by my work to bring the gospel into their lives.

The final topic, which is serving the Lord and His children, and seeking out and caring for the poor and needy, is so very easy to relate to a mission, it almost feels far too cliché to do so. When I tell people where I am going on my mission, I get one of two reactions: One is “OH…That’s…cool….” And then if they know me a little better, they’ll say what’s really on their mind, which is usually “There’s nothing there,” or some version of “That’s too bad….” These people I can only laugh with, for to say that I haven’t foolhardily seen such calls in the same light in the past would just not be truthful of me to do. Also, I know where I’m going is where I’m needed so it doesn’t effect me. There are others, though, who are slightly rare, but who earn a deeper respect when they get legitimately excited for me. A few of these also start listing off family members or friends who are not LDS who live in Iowa. While I have, and please forgive me for doing so, forgotten all of these names for there have been too many given to me, I have admired these people’s longing to share the gospel with all those they know, and hope to do so vicariously through me. Serving others is what this gospel is all about. While Sister Thompson focused more on serving those who are literally poor and needy, I would like to speak more on those who are poor and needy in spirit. People who are as such need the gospel the most, for they know the need they have for it in their lives. I love the story of when Alma was preaching to the Zoramites. While he was preaching to the Zoramites, a group of poor Zoramites came up and asked for Alma’s counsel. These people were poor in their society and, because of this, were not allowed into the very churches they had assisted in building. Without the ability to enter their churches, these people felt like they had no chance to have the blessings of God and religion in their lives, for their religion taught that you must enter their churches in order to pray. And so, while the majority of the Zoramites were unwilling to listen to Alma and what he had to say, these poor people were willing to listen. As the account of this story in Alma 32 states, “And now when heard [the story of the poor Zoramites], he turned him about, his face immediately towards [the poor people], and he beheld with great joy; for he beheld that their afflictions had truly humbled them, and that they were in a preparation to hear the word. Therefore he did say no more to the other multitude; but he stretched forth his hand, and cried unto those whom he beheld, who were truly penitent….” Seek out those who are poor in spirit while you go forth in your own lives preaching the gospel. I do not mean that you should only preach the gospel unto those who are poor in spirit, for all need the gospel and those who are poor in spirit may not be readily obvious to you, but pray unto the Lord for guidance to find those who will be most willing to accept it. Do not be afraid to share the gospel, as I know I have been at times, but listen to the spirit for the appropriate times to do so. Be like unto Paul, who said in his epistle to the Romans, chapter 1 verse 16, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth….”

I know that as we go forth trying to strengthen ourselves, our families, and those who we come upon in our lives, the Lord will bless us in our endeavors to do so.

Charlie's Creative Catharsis

So I decided to write something from scratch with absolutely nothing on my mind of how to start it or where to go with it. This is what came out.


The other day I was walking down the street and saw a five dollar bill, and I thought to myself, where could this have come from? It's just sitting there, minding it's own business, not even scurrying along with the wind, searching desperately for its owner. Feeling pity for the obviously confused and lonesome Lincoln, I bent over in an attempt to return it to safety inside of my wallet where it could make friends with my other Lincoln. But as soon as I touched the wayward currency, there was a loud whooshing sound, feeling of a hook behind my navel...you get the point.

After the deviously disguised portkey dropped me down hard onto a hard and rocky surface, I just laid there for a few moments. This wasn't the first time I had been duped by something bearing the portrait of a former president, but I swore to myself that it would be the-

"You think he's dead, Mr. Frodo??"

"I...hope...so...."

I chose to ignore the conversation, too deep into regretting my recurring problem. But when something started nudging my side, I decided apathy on the matter was no longer an option. I looked up into the faces of two men, both of which were towering over me. One looked genuinely concerned and scared, while the other just looked high or like a paranoid schizophrenic or something.

"GAH! He's alive! What should we do Mr. Frodo?" said the lucid, if not butt-kissing, one.

His companion's head lolled down as he bent over to look at me more closely. "Who are you?"

I looked at them both, then back to the Ferocious Five still clasped in my hand and realized they probably wouldn't believe me. I tried to think up something they'd believe. "Um, I'm actually a friend from, uh, Gandalf. I was sent to...ya know...destroy that ring for you."

I watched, as I stood up and towered over them, their eyes get large. The drugged up one's eyes narrowed. "How do you know about the ring??"

I thought up the best way to get me out of this. If an object can bring me here, why not have on bring me back? And if that doesn't work, why not just destroy it and make this whole thing easier?? "Gandalf told me. Duh! So if you don't mind I'll be taking this-" I quickly snagged the ring off of his neck. My heart dropped a little when nothing happened, but I figured it couldn't be that easy anyway. "-And we'll be on our way." Frodo flipped out completely, and started charging at me. While his short legs didn't help him move very fast, possessed is possessed and is freaky no matter what the size. I turn-tailed and sprinted up the side of the mountain ahead of me with the other two hot on my tail. I quickly found the entrance, much easier and quicker than they made it look in the movie, possibly due to the fact the people were only a few feet tall, sprinted in, kicking a short, emaciated guy that looked like he was from the Exorcist out of my way and over the edge, and chucked the ring into the flaming depths of the volcano. I turned around, triumphant. "See? That's how you deal with-"

I probably should have factored in the fact that the ring would not be destroyed for a few second more, and that Frodo was still possessed. Either way, those little guys can push HARD! I was able to fully think this all through as I fell, watching the rock wall speed past me. I probably should have looked down, my landing most likely could have been more graceful.

Pulling myself up out of the wreckage of the well-placed wooden chest, I quickly took my bearings. I seemed to have landed on a small rock platform with a door leading into the wall on one end of it. Beneath me lay what used to be a wooden chest, with a small shiny key sticking out from under the wooden wreckage. Before I could fully comprehend this new predicament, a blond guy wearing a funky red shirt and an even funkier green hat ran through the door.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," I mumbled to myself.

Frightened, Link stopped. "AH!!"

"Don't you actually speak?? I thought that whole no speaking thing was just to make things easier for the programers!" But even as I spoke, nothing came out besides weird grunts, and a weird, semi-transparent grey box appeared in front of me, writing out all I said.

Link didn't respond right away either. Instead, a box, like mine, appeared behind him. I couldn't tell what it said, but it all of a sudden disappeared and Link shook his head.

"Ok, this is going to get really annoying," I typed. I made to walk by him, but another "YAH!!" came out of him as he grabbed his sword and shield.

"Whoa, dude, I don't even have a weapon, that's not even fair. I have this five dollar bill, want that?? Oh, crap, that's right, you only trade in those weird gems...CRAP!"

Link began charging at me, sword raised. Frightened, I simply collapsed to the ground...I mean, ducked beneath his swing. The poor pointy-eared fellow tripped over me, and thus, over the edge. But not without grabbing me first.

I don't like falling. It's really not my forte.

Neither did Link. He was making some annoying screaming. You think it's bad in the game, wait till you hear it in real life.

I don't really like landing in magma either. But I think it makes a large difference when all that happens is sad music plays as soon as you hit and all you see is something saying "Game Over. Retry? Yes. No." I chose yes. Dying didn't seem like a good choice.

And then I was falling again. This was a much shorter fall, yet still ended in me landing on something. My tightly shut eyes slowly slipped open. All around me all I could see was...white.

White? I didn't know I was supposed to fall into heaven. Noises reached my now pensive ears that didn't sound at all like a chorus of angels...unless they all breath helium in heaven. I quickly scrambled out of the whiteness to find myself surrounded by not just two, but a whole sea of hobbits. A whole sea of angry, awe-struck, impeccably and colorfully dressed hobbits. Beneath my feet lay a large ruffled pile of lacy fabric with two feet sticking out from underneath. The little-people village was just as brightly colored as their clothes, but at one end stood a colorless house with a girl and a dog standing in front of it and two legs sticking out from underneath.

For a few minutes the munchkins just stared at me. Then one, the biggest one, spoke. Actually, he kinda screamed. "CHARGE!! HE'S KILLED THE GOOD WITCH!! CALL IN THE GUERRILLA GUILD!!" Immediately, all of the munchkins whipped out weapons of all sorts, ranging from clubs to pans to Browning Automatic Rifles. A few, in full camo, leaped out of the crowd and began running along the rooftops towards me.

I'd rather not say what I screamed...I mean, bellowed, back. I sprinted, breakneck speed, to the dilapidated house, quickly yanked the red shoes off of the feet sticking out from underneath (which, let me tell you, was a much more gory scene than they ever led you to believe in the movie. I'll just let you know here they were not red shoes before), ran around to the back of the house, shoved my feet into them, and began clicking the heels together while chanting the overused chant.

Everything went quiet.

I opened my eyes.

I was at home in my bedroom.

I sighed. I walked through the darkened room straight over to my bed. My...occupied bed. I looked up, and around, and realized, all too late, that I was obviously in the fifties.

As I slowly rotated around, I made eye-contact with my bed's occupant. Much like the munchkins, there was a pause before the screaming began. The sparkly red heels probably didn't help me any. After escaping from the house while dodging shotgun blasts and such, I realized something. It would probably take a flux capacitor to get me out of this mess.


It'll probably be continued if I ever feel like it.

"Love it all, love it all, love it all" -The Kooks

You know that twenty-five things about yourself thing? Here's mine.

1. You know how girls always ask the question, who's your favorite princess? It's kind of like when guys ask girls "What sports do you play?" or "What car do you drive?" My answer will be, from now on, Zelda. Seriously. She doesn't just sit there and take it, she fights back! Now that's cool.

2. I hate it when they just barely add enough stuff in a movie to make it rated R. Thank goodness Nicole has a Clearplay DVD player, because Little Miss Sunshine and Donnie Darko are some of my favorite movies. So is The Blues Brothers, but I saw that one on TV.

3. I am going into Psychology, as of right now. All that the human brain can do is astounding... and scary.

4. My nickname is Bataman. Why? It's a long story including Water Polo, yardsales, and a pair of sunglasses with a misspelling on the side.

5. Soren Kierkegaard had it right. He believed life is crazy, and people able to just accept this fact and accept the will of God and thus be happy are referred to as Knights of Faith. I'll consider myself one of them. Life doesn't make sense, and when it does, it's only for a few seconds, kind of as a breather. That's why you just have to realize it's all in the Lord's hands. Not easy, but does anybody really learn from the easy tests?

6. I've come to like Alternative music, such as MGMT, Muse, Jack's Mannequin, The Kooks, Mae, and the sort.

7. My favorite heroes from the media are Batman, Donnie Darko, Link, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Indiana Jones, and such.

8. Real life heroes include my Savior, Joseph Smith, my grandfather for his perseverance, Gordon B. Hinckley, and such.

9. I'm going on a mission here soon. I'm working on my papers at the moment, and I can't wait. I just started this last weekend, and I'm planning on leaving probably the latter part of June.

10. I've discovered laughter is the key to happiness. For example, today, I saw something that should have made me sad, but instead I just started laughing. I mean, why wouldn't that go wrong?? The other key is The gospel, but that's a given.

11. I like walking around campus with my headphones in. Not only because I like listening to music, but also because it makes you feel like your life has a soundtrack.

12. This last Sunday, I went to a...uh...I guess it was kind of a hospice thing? Anyway, whatever it's called, it was full of elderly people no longer able to care for themselves. Apparently people from around the area are asked to come and help do the entire sacrament meeting for them. While I was sitting at the sacrament table, I noticed in the back a couple. The husband was much like everyone else in the room, no longer able to care for himself. His wife, however, is who caught my attention. She looked much less impaired by the years, completely self-sufficient. It wasn't even that, however, that really got me. It was the love she so obviously felt for her husband. Seeing that, for some reason, made me almost start crying. Possibly it was just the idea of somebody loving another that much, despite the fact his health and physical well-being had diminished so much. Another person that I loved there was an elderly woman who introduced herself to me as "____ Bride, I will always be a bride. I will always be stuck to that man, signed, sealed, and delivered." Or something like that. I didn't cut out her first name to protect her as much as I just can't remember it. The love that someone can have after so long is something I find so very admirable, especially when it's so rare these days.

13. I also took a trip to Idaho Falls, to the Temple Visitor's Center there to see the Joseph Smith movie they have playing there as our Mission Prep class at church. I love that movie, and it will always make sure my contacts don't dry out in my eyes. Watch it if you can.

14. On top of all of that other stuff, I was faced with some disappointment. But seeing as I don't want to go on personal rants on a blog any of my friends can read...just remember to laugh.

15. I'm not a fan of pop music. The best stuff is the stuff that isn't played on the radio a gajillion times a day.

16. I'm adopted. You know I'm running out of ideas when I write that, it's almost like filler.

17. I have the best sister ever. No joke. We're much more alike and close than a lot of people and their siblings who are biologically related.

18. I'm nearsighted, so I wear glasses or contacts. Contacts suck in Idaho though, it's so flippin dry. But how else do I wear my sunglasses?

19. I love it at BYU-Idaho.

20. I'm a cat person. Why? Name the last time you were chased down and bitten by a cat while riding your bike, or when you wanted to purchase a car but nearly gagged when you smelled the disgusting reek of cat inside of it (both of which have happened to me. And face it people, dogs smell terrible). Not saying dogs are bad, I love the Palmer's Lab and most dogs I've run into, but having an animal you don't have to care for beyond feeding that goes in and out whenever and walks itself and just climbs up on your lap whenever and you can play with using a string or wrestle with using one hand and a leather glove or blanket is pretty much amazing.

21. I've discovered few things in life are more necessary than a friend who's always there for you.

22. I don't know what I want to do outside of college. I have a few ideas, but nothing for sure. Is professional blogger a choice?

23. Miscommunication may just be the bane of my existence. If I was James Bond, Miss Komyuu Nikeishun would be that evil and yet attractive villain I always seem to run into and accidentally falling for but just ends up messing everything up.

24. I like to write, but I'm not so sure I'd be able to go anywhere with it. I'd like to be a columnist, but that doesn't seem "for sure" enough....

25. I did water polo and swimming in high school. I do much better in water than on land. It's just not my forte. I always end up hurt in some weird way on land. Plus I swim and tread much better than I run, jump, crawl....

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Troy and I have decided to make videos as often as possible. This one was probably the easiest and quickest out of all of them for right now. More to come.

The Rexburgian Gods

Alright, let me preface this before you, or myself, start thinking I'm sacrilegious or anything, because I'm not. There is one God and one God only. But, hypothetically speaking, if there WERE heathen gods that ruled over Rexburg, this is what they would be.

1) The God of the Freezing Cold (aka Jack Frost)
The king of the Rexburgian gods. He is married to the Sun Goddess, and due to a nasty divorce, lost complete reign over Rexburg a few thousand years ago. Thanks to his lawyer and a nifty Pre-Nup, however, he is able to rule over his kingdom half of the year.
This guy is a creep. You've heard of Jack Frost nipping at your nose, right? Who does that?? And in Rexburg you're lucky if your nose is all he goes after. There are no real debates about why the sun goddess wanted a divorce. Most god tabloid magazines side with her in this fiasco.

2) The Goddess of the Sun
While technically only ruling over her domeign in the summer months, the Sun Goddess doesn't play fair. She, unlike her ex, wants to spread peace and harmony and all that nonsense in Rexburg, and so whenever she gets the chance she pokes her head out to spread her warmth and happy light everywhere. Problem is, it just reflects off her ex-husband's snow and blinds the poor college students below. Also, whatever she melts from the snow just runs onto the sidewalks and turns into even more slick ice than was there before. Her attempts become widely unnoticed. However, the blame usually comes back to Jack Frost, who, both angered at his ex for feuding with him and the college students who hate his frozen guts, doubles his efforts thus carrying on the constant quarrelling.

3) The God of the Internet
Rumored to be the long-lost brother of the Roman gods Mars and Pluto, or whoever it was in Greek religion, this is the most volatile and hated of the Rexburgian gods. Temperamental and said to be a psychopath, this god finds enjoyment in torturing the students with allowing the internet to work sometimes and then not at others. None of the other gods like this one either, which is probably why he was banished to the internet domain. If only the gods had realized all the trouble he would cause there.

4) The Goddess of Dating
By far the busiest of all the gods. A workaholic and an insomniac, the goddess of dating never sleeps, drinks, or eats (which is why it's handy that she's a goddess); she just keeps the dates formulating and happening. Problem is, with all of the dates that she is creating, her creativity has come to a minimum. Most of the couples she works her magic on end up going to a movie or some cheap show on campus. Some she puts more thought into, but it is rare.

5) The Goddess of the Spirit of Ricks
Friendliness, happiness, and joy is spread every which way by this goddess. I love it, it's amazing, but it's corny to go on too much about so I won't. Just know this place is amazing, the people are amazing, and the spirit is amazing. This goddess is the reason why I would rather be here than anywhere else.

These are just the major ones. Below is a short list of the lesser gods, but it still does not cover them all.

6) The God of the Coupon Texts

7) Craigo

8) The Goddess of Home-Cooked Food
Keeps people safe from the terrors of cafeteria food.

9) The God of Privacy
Doesn't exist. Being from a small family I've grown accustomed to privacy and now it doesn't truly exist.

10)God of Dryness

11) The God of the Warm Showers
A slacker and a cronic narcoleptic, this god always falls asleep on the job, literally and metaphorically. In some places he uses his influence well over, and in other places he will just fall asleep right in the middle of a shower. Having a shower go from hot to cold in a split second is oh-so-delightful.

Well, there are many many more, but those are the biggest ones I can think of.